Get the Fuck Off My Lawn

I have not been able to hear out of my left ear for three days. I've tried everything. It'sss maddening. John's mom even tried to clean it out with some crazy machine and it didn't work. My Dad is deaf in his right ear, so this hits a little close to home. He had a stroke though. Maybe I had a stroke in my sleep. I've heard crazier things. I really worry about being too similar to my Dad sometimes because he's a real square. He is like 800 by now though, so I don't expect to see him at Buzzard dancing on tables or anything. Once you pass 50 I heard you age one year for every day of your life. It's some fluid they started pumping into babies back in the 30's that makes them age extremely fast. You can google it. I'm not even lying. Just wait 'til you hit 50. Hunched over your bowl of mustard and prunes (typical), frothing at the mouth like a geriatric raver, you'll just start to decompose. Little bits of skin and then crumbling bones and then, by the time you're 70, you just turn to mush. I believe John McCain is in the later stages of this man-made virus, which I have dubbed "Geezernasia".

"A man came in today, he was a dear friend of mine. He had a PET CAT"