bye brad

it was awful to hear that brad cassidy passed away. i didn't know brad the best, but what i saw from our few meetings was a nice guy who could talk to just about anyone about anything. he was extremely knowledgeable about punk rock and indeed all music in general. my first real memory of brad was from 2005 when he came to chicago with a gigantic crew from st. louis to go to chicago fest. mookie and i hosted about 10-15 people from st. louis, k.c. and lawrence in our tiny apartment. after the second night of the fest, everyone returned to our apartment and a rather large party ensued. i remember talking to brad about the new kylesa record that had just come out. our conversation was cut short when he had to run to the bathroom. he had a lot to drink that night and had to go throw up. "excuse me, i have to vomit," he said with a smile, politely heading towards the bathroom. i remember going into check on him and finding him lounging peacefully in our bathtub. "hey man, i'm sorry about throwing up. i cleaned it," he said, taking a large swig from a bottle of whiskey, "so anyway, that new record is okay, but i tend to listen to a lot of the older stuff..." we proceeded to have an extremely interesting conversation about 80's hardcore and punk rock, how brad used to play in destroy, and then finally about his daughter. brad was a conversationalist, that's one thing i know for certain, he could glide across subjects smoother than anyone i know. some people just have that trait. i do not, which is why i found this guy laying in my bathtub with vomit all over him so interesting. he was kind of timeless in a way. our bathroom chat was cut short when someone had to take a shit or make out or something, but i'll always think of that time when i think of brad. he was a good guy, a smart guy, and he will be missed.

bad attitude

everything is sitting right in front of me but i can't decide what to do with myself. i try to build up confidence but always get thwarted by my own dumb laziness. quarter-life crisis is right. i take everything for granted, constantly. i'm a liar. i miss a lot of people and i feel like i'll never see them again. some days i feel like i'm going to die in a few hours. where's all this coming from?

i need to turn everything around.

that being said, it is a beautiful day in kansas city and i am happy to say i'll be outside for almost all of it. it's stupid to get caught up in things i can't change, so i guess i will just continue. my creativity needs to be harnessed and lassoed, perhaps restrained with a bear trap so that i can gain some personal clarity.

Ode to Beard # 3 (The Patriarch)

With sheers against the jaw
Mine dignity did fall
The coarsness of thine spirals glistened
and seeped into the bog.

My face now bare as swine-hide
I tremble in despair.
But soon fear turns to reverie
and I simply cease to care.

For though I have forsaken thee
Our months as one live on
In photographs and arty poems
and the coyote-call at dawn.

Yet now and then I'll grasp my chin
and wonder where you've been
your comfort everlasting,
whisk's enchanting my poor jaw.

lend me your brain, i'm building an idiot

well...what can i say about spain?
just look: http://www.flickr.com/photos/25952692@N04/
the first 3 pages are barcelona, and the next 5 are seville. unfortunately, i had outlet problems the last 4 days i was in barcelona, so there were no pictures of the sagra de familia, the beach, the 200 year old absinthe bar (yeah!) , the sorta lame metal bar we went to (they played sabbath, though!), or any of our other shinanigans.

it was really awesome to see chippy. i miss that dude a lot, and he's a good compinion. haha...what is a compinion? europe is large and old. the side-streets in both seville and barcelona were probably my favorite thing about the whole trip. sometimes we'd be walking for blocks and i wouldn't notice until i had to double over from the pain in my legs. totally worth it though, as every single thing was interesting. even the burger king was interesting. the hostels i stayed in were all pretty good, but i can't really say i got any good sleep. i tried and tried, though. i bought some shades and some trunks. i got joy a tiny porcelain jewel box (the lid of which was SMASHED by continental airlines), a ring made of dolphins, and a very smooth rock i found in the salt water. i drank a lot but i was vacationing so i decided to ignore my body's desperate cries for silly things like 'water' and 'air'. bad idea, but i'm alive.

you know how jimmy buffet is like the 'party dude'?? the guy who always has a drink in his hand and a joint in the other, donning a ridiculous shirt with parrots smoking rainbow turds, cargo shorts and a beer belly that would make even the ralphiest of kings say "GOD DAMN!!"

(by the way, as is written in the bylaws of the blogger.com blaw blog, you legally have to give me your appreciation for that king ralph reference. you must also appreciate any future references i may make to the movie TRON, bart simpson, hangin' with mr. cooper, the band heart, or lorenzo lamas.)

JIMMY BUFFET BRINGS THE PARTY. he stays up all night, huffing groupie piss and raping his guitar. he's a mastermind-party machine, wielding giant party tentacles and spewing jungle juice from his gold-plated beak onto his willing parrot heads. the party must be fed and who better to douse those greasy gears than the king of the parrots himself, James W. Buffet.

but...shit, man. where's it end?

what i mean to say is...i'd like to see jimmy buffet break down. i want to see him bashing his head against his bathtub and screaming for heroin and ripping his eyebrows out. it's funny to me. it's also funny to dwell on things like this when there's obviously more important things going on everywhere- the war, the elections, my job, anything else...but you'd be surprised how many times a day i think of jimmy buffet's death rattle with the benny hill theme song in the background. i'm a sick, sick man.

raging sharks

since i am currently shrieking down the time tube that is europe, i have no sleep and therefor no patience for the internet anymore. i know my blog will forgive me, but what of my readers? i ask only for your forgiveness for my lack of updates. there will be a big one later. barcelona in two days!! that means lisa, flannery and audrey. rad is the only syllable needed.

by the by, the title of this post refers to a corbin bernson flick that you should apparently check out.

swine leg

i am spain. my first night here we drank everything and went to the fair. LIGHTS! everywhere. gypsies hocking cigarettes. spanish girls trying to speak english to me. poorly. no grass anywhere. just yellow dirt. palm trees. tiny electric busses. traditional garb. wine and cheese. the jogger. i´m writing this prematurely because my trip is actually just starting. we took a bunch of pictures of the cathedral de sevilla (two years of spanish in high school and i can´t remember a thing, but two days in sevilla and i can comprehend so much more) today. that place is wicked. everything is very interesting and i don´t wanna waste a bunch of time on here, but i´ll let everyone know what´s up whenever i can get on these new-fangled internets.

you french great

way too busy to blog lately. sorry guys. i really dropped the e-ball on this one. it's hard to care, though, because of how much i don't. i leave for spain in 3 days?! that shit's insane. totally not ready, by the way, but i think we all saw that coming. i was thinking about that last night when i was sitting at 75th street brewery. in between dollar beers i would glance over at the trust fund hippie next to me who was blabbing about barack obama or fossil fuels or something and envision his brains dashed about on the floor. say the last 7 words of that sentence in a cockney accent and you'll understand how i felt. that guy reminded me of why i didn't like that other dude that i met in chicago...you know the one. anyway, this is dumb and my boss is making fun of me for blogging. i deserve everything i get, though. we also knew this.