fatter, sappier, more seductive

I feel sort of weird about posting that thing about Brad. His wife read it and I guess, in hindsight, I didn't exactly paint him in a good light. Not that she was upset or anything. I can say it was honest, though. I've been posting a lot of sub-par crap on here lately. I've had no time to write, and I feel my blog has suffered.

I want 500 more dollars than I have right now. $300 would get me through. Where's my check you fucking redneck war-monger? What if George W. Bush isn't really a real person at all? What if Ross Perot just skinned George H. W. Bush and has been wearing him as a human-suit forever? Think about it! I bet there's no one (please don't prove my delusional daydreams wrong, it infuriates me) who can put Ross Perot and the two George Bush's in the same room at the same time. By day, the mild-mannered Ross Perot (who resides in TEXAS- HELLOOOO) poses as a billionaire and claims support for Mit Romney (a clever ruse to hide his secret identity). However, once the Bush Signal (silhoette of Yosemite Sam) is activated Perot will descend into the Bush Cave hidden underneath his Estate (now with a KFC!), release his wrinkly old suit from it's cryogenic chamber and fly into the night to eat a hot dog or play some golf like a jackass. America is running out of heroes. Ross Perot knows this. Ross Perot feels for the American people. He understands that we would never elect an aging, maniacal, big-eared Texan with lots of 'ideas' about 'oil,' so he skinned some other Texan and posed as a slightly younger, maniacal, big-eared Texan and WON TWO TERMS IN A ROW!!!! Perot's running this shit, man. I wouldn't be suprised if Barack Obama was just Perot with a Tiger Woods suit on. 'Never trust politicians, man, they're just old guys wearing younger guys' faces' - THAT'S WHAT THAT OLD GUY AT BUZZARD BEACH TOLD ME. I didn't believe him at first, but then I swore I saw Ross Perot driving the Oscar Meyer Weiner Mobile around, struggling to fit inside what I thought was a trash bag, but what actually turned out to be H.W.'s epidermis. Trust me, the truth is out there. Just remember, if there is ever fictional war that must be created, or a press conference to ruin, or a red telephone that must be answered, Perot will always be there- masked as whomever big, dumb America will elect.