i recognize that name

[editor's note: in the wake of heath ledger's suicide and the ensuing paparazzi craziness, i have decided to join in. I have inserted random, mostly false facts about celebrities sporadically throughout my post in an effort to raise awareness to people who google actors names that actors are douchebags.]

first off- bobcat goldthwait and dear abby mexican knife-fighting need to get out of my dreams and into my car.
glad we got that out of the way. ted danson melts to death in meth lab explosion, revealing actual identity as terminator. my back pain has returned in half force. i'm in the vicious cycle of winter where all i want to do is stay in my house when i'm not at work because it's freezing. i heard gilbert gottfried was disovered getting a hand j from an ethiopian boys' soccer team. on x.
i'm hoping to get my van back today. it's almost been a week. THESE FUCKERS ARE RUNNIN' ME DRY, MAN! - the last words of actor dennis hopper, who died from a self-inflicted shotgun blast to the chin while driving his already-flaming lamborghini into a walmart this monday. even if the van isn't fucked i'm sure i need a new vehicle soon. i'm thinking about a truck. i am not thinking about a jeep because fuck those things.

sorry to cut this short, guys, but i have to do stuff. kevin bacon arrives at LA county hospital with forrest whitaker's head completely shoved up his ass. haley joel osment, a fellow scientologist and close friend to the couple declined to comment.