"don't touch me with that beef!"

WHERE THE HELL IS CHARLES BRUSCATO?! the only reason i will attend my 10 year high school reunion will be to find this guy and give him a hug. we used to take the same way home from school. i can remember having to swerve repeatedly to avoid snickers bars, shrimp cocktails, roasted duck or whatever he had lying around his car. i'm talking about him like he's dead. i guess he really could be, but probably not since he has yet to open up a seedy night club, invest in a porn company, marry a tiny asian chick or fight chris penn in a cage for the title of "hairiest back." i've literally seen every fucking dick-licker from our class in the last 6 years except this guy. witness protection program? maybe he was involved in some kind of multi-national jewel heist and had to flee to his father's property in boca raton to start a surf-board shop as a cover for his underground drug and prostitution ring. i don't know why, but i always envisioned him going on to be really, really successful at something totally immoral. he probably just works at a radio shack in northeast and eats ham all day. FUCK. the possibilities are endless.

i just tried to call him. i looked his name up on the internet and saw a phone number for a charles bruscato who works at the jackson county courthouse. i knew it wasn't him but i called anyway. i was gonna pull some longmont shit but i couldn't come up with anything good. i really need to work on prank calling more people. this is stupid.

eat that shit up with a spoon

chicago-
THANKS:
-for the best burger i've had in years. the metallica burger from kuma's corner is fucking magical. it's comparable in size to the burger seen above. also, a bear/metal themed bar? how could you go wrong? oh yeah, by charging 10 dollars for every single thing on the menu. still pretty good for chicago.

-for hangin' on to some of my favorite people. give 'em back, though...LIKE NOW!

-as always, there are far too many people inside of you. the number one worst thing about chicago is the unnecessary sense of urgency and paranoia that fills my veins whenever i step out to go somewhere. that place is too fucking crowded. you can see 50 people you've never seen in a day and you will never lay eyes on them again. also, it shouldn't cost 4 dollars to take two busses, dicks. no wonder i stayed inside and drank so much.

MEGABUS- FUCK OFF. overbooking a bus? 200 people on an 80-seater??! how do you fuck that up? oh, right, you wait in st. louis for 2 hours while you rent another bus to carry all these fucking assholes to chicago. 12 hours on a bus. ridiculous.
also, can you stop showing the WORST fucking movies i've ever seen?!?! movies i've seen so far on the megabus...
NOW YOU CAN SEE WHY I HAVE NO DICK. i ripped it off when brittany murphy said "i'll never tell" and threw it out the window. still, i made it back in one piece.

i am now computer-less. i have a feeling i'm going to be attaching that suffix to a lot of things in my life here pretty soon. perhaps blog-less too. boo. i was just getting used to this thing.

3/7/08 - Haunted Kitchen

smiling is now metal.

there's more here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/23284950@N00/

maximum death

ah, tuesday. my monday. how the hell are ya? it seems like it's been ages since we've seen each other. what's that? you like my tie? well, that's a pretty strange thing to say, mr. tuesday. you know i don't wear ties. you must have had a bit too much of mr. cotton's candy. i think your delirious. have a seat. hey, listen buddy- i was wondering if you could do me a favor. could you keep your dick out of my ass for at least one 24 hour period? i know we only see each other weekly, but sometimes you're a little rough around the edges if you catch my drift.

gross.

here was my weekend:
FRIDAY: thrashed hard in freezing basement. it was drunk in there. a little too drunk, if you know what i mean.
SATURDAY: it was definitely too drunk in there. pounding head/suicidal thoughts all day. worth it. that night, i went to see street legal at george's house. then i ended up somewhere i never thought i'd ever be again.
SUNDAY: joy and i saw semi-pro and loved it (for the most part). ate food.

HEY! i saw the shining last night for free at the tivoli. seen it before, but never on the big screen. great flick. shelly long's performance is first annoying as hell and then hilariously terrifying (see: running up the steps with a knife, flailing her arms around like an octopus thrown in a fryer). i found out that right before that movie was made, jack nicholson discovered that his sister was his mother, and his mother was his grandma. that would be quite a mind-fuck at 40 years old, i'd imagine. at least he still had morticia. then he went crazy on cocaine. THEN he made the shining. if you've seen it, then you'll understand what i mean when i say that it's full of "kubrick-isms." these delightful little 'choices' (aka 'fuck-ups') throughout the film add a lot of mystery. for instance, why the hell would jack be the caretaker in 1921? makes no sense. wasn't in the book. that was a lot of kubrick's shtick, i guess...leaving everything open-ended. say what you want about his artistic liberties, but you CANNOT fuck with that guy when it comes to the technical side of making movies. i bet that dude could have taken apart any camera and put it back together himself. only better.
what a psycho, huh?

i'm going to chicago in 3 days!

p.s.- serpentor has to change our name. any ideas? i believe the only thing currently on the table is KILLMEISTER. i wonder how meister would feel about that.

quoth the hetfield: "fuckin' a, right!

can't stop listening to beatallica. i know they're silly and all, but when i find a good novelty musical act i HOLD ON TO IT. then i play it repeatedly to people who don't think it's as funny as i do or who aren't as high as i was when i first heard it. you know when you're all excited for someone else to experience something and then they seem all unimpressed? like they're actually gonna feel exactly like you did. pssh. anyway, get drunk and sing beatallica, it's awesome.
--------------------------------
Hey, dude - it s true not sad
Take a thrash song and make it better
Remember! That metal is in your heart
Then you can start to be a fretter

Hey, dude - don t be fuckin fraid
You were made to go be a shredder
The minute you let us under your skin
Then you ll begin to be a fretter

So crank your amp and deal the pain
Hey, dude - you re fuckin insane!
The rivers run red with blood of posers
And don t you know that he s the fool
Who plays it cool
But needs for his beer to be much colder

Hey, dude - never turn it down!
You must pound her, I mean Kip Winger
New wave of British heavy metal is in your heart
And you can start with Diamond Header s

So let it out! Let it in!
Hey, dude, begin
Don t wait for the Eye of the Beholder
You ll never know when bells toll for you
Hey, dude, you ll do
Just sling that flying-V cross your shoulder

Hey, dude - it s true not sad
Take a thrash song and make it better
Admit it! Metallica s under your skin!
So now begin to be a shredder
----------------------------
fast forward button, please. hopefully today won't be too dumb, because tonight is gonna SLAY! then i got more work saturday. i might ralph all over some volunteers' ice.

snowing in k.c. i gotta get the hell outta here!

what i've been listening to...

"Yer so dead, you're alive!"

chos bringer

man, i've had the best birthday weekend in years. thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. i got free meals from genghis kahn, pierpont's, and gojo's, plus $300, a cd and a 7". not a bad pull at all, i'd say. i feel spoiled, to be honest. there was great weather all weekend too, but now it's turning shitty again. not a lot that can bring me down this week, though. serpentor's got our second show on friday at the haunted kitchen. not much else to say...i'm happy.

in/humanity was an excellent band. flight of the conchords is a really funny show.